The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
God, I missed his penis.
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