I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
