how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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