My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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