LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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