Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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