Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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