Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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