i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
