At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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