I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
