I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Randomize
