Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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