I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
