and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
