I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
