The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
