Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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