also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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