I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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