I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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