kristin has been a bad kristin
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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