if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
