I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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