I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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