Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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