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And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
