i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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