So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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