im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize