It's like a parade of train wrecks.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
