True but thats because hes a fetus.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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