I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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