I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
