my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
