I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
