Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
