You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize