Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
