I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
