Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
