D3 body, D1 cock
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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