pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
