Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
