Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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