Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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