My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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