You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
