I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I love you. Go after that dick
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
