I'm going to rape someone's good day.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
