There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wish you could order shots online.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
