Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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