He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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