Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
