That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Randomize
