I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
