I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
