Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
