hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
