So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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