Can i not drive my cunt home
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
