Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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