I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
