Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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