I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
