i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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