the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
