my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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