All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
